Down South

So, here we are on the 18.45 to Euston. Thus far I have 4 seats to myself but watch some bastard spoil that. Fabulous lunch courtesy of Billy The Brief and Brian. To have friends like this is over and above. It makes you realise that whatever they do to you, the buggers can’t grind you down.

Now joined by Balding Laptop bloke who looks like he knows the form. Train announcer man is doing his bit though largely due to the amount of alcohol consumed at lunchtime, I am pretty much immune to this. Billy has made his way to platform 12 for the Scarborough train, which will take him to Leeds. I am delighted by the large numbers of girls up here who wear skyscraper heels during the day. Manchester girls know how to dress and I am put in mind of girls from my part of the world…. Essex. Short skirts, glossy tights and high heels. One day, women in Surrey will realise what it is their men chase after all day when they are up in London. Less is NOT more, girls. It might work when you talk to your desperate girlfriends in Sullivan¬ís bar in Weybridge, but where are your husbands?

Well, we’re off and thus far, I have escaped the dreaded fellow traveller. Baldy Beige Sweatered Laptop Man is totally engrossed in his work (or Facebook!) so it looks like I am going to have a relatively easy journey.

Went to San Carlo for lunch today. Fab restaurant, which seems to be largely recession proof. Probably more than 200 covers for lunch, all of whom seemed to be hoovering it down like it was going out of fashion.

Next to me is Green Garbed Garden Centre Man. He is bedecked in Robin Hood green, complete with goatee beard and long sleeved undershirt. He has been on the mobile since we left Piccadilly and we’re now in Stockport, though we are already being overtaken by a commuter train to Cheadle. Looks like Kitty is having her way after all. Check-Jacketed cream hatted student has just joined us and is now looking for a seat. At least we are spared the Aalborg fans. Loads of them turned up at the Sevenoaks at around 12.30 this lunchtime so I guess they had decided to make a bit of a week of it.

Scared Woman has just come down the carriage. I’m sure it’s just her demeanour, but she looked as if she needed the vapours. Do we all look that scary? Train is now crawling along. I really hope it’s not going to be the order of the day. I just want to go home.

Bit of a gap there due largely to this writer falling asleep. Now awake again, I remain unconvinced that we have been travelling at supersonic speeds. Been travelling just short of two hours, so we shall see. The strange thing is that we are passing through stations at the rate of one every few seconds so we may well be in sight of London. Baldy Laptop Guy and I are almost the sole inhabitants of the carriage now, whereas my trip to the buffet just now, (still can¬ít bring myself to call it anything other than that!) reminded me that they’re packed in like cattle in Coach C. getting a real lick on now as I can’t even read the stations as we whizz through them.

The National Enquirer. Now there’s a thing. Haven’t seen one of those for ages. Then again, I hadn’t been inside a Primark either so that’s two ducks broken in one day. Manchester must have the largest Primark in the world, packed with everything that one might need to make the party go with a bang. The place was packed to the rafters with goodies and the good burghers of Manchester, so well done on two counts there. Are we all forgiven our misgivings about shopping there since t’credit crunch crunched? It would seem that so much has gone out of the window since that took over our lives. Bird ‘flu and global warming have certainly gone right out of fashion, as has Zimbabwe and anywhere else not directly affecting our ability to spend money or bugger up the price of our houses. In fact, you can’t even get bird ‘flu or MRSA into the news these days for love nor money. And what happened to Ebola and Guantanamo Bay? Their marketing boys must be fast asleep. Have they repaired New Orleans? Does anyone know? Does anyone care?

The ‘Let’s Walk Down Through The Train And Upset As Many People As Possible’ brigade are on the move now. Just narrowly avoided losing the skin off my legs to a kryptonite suitcase moving at a rate of knots through Coach B. Obviously its owner needs to be 50′ nearer to the concourse at Euston than the rest of us. Well, I make my apologies as we have arrived at Euston bang on time. Just goes to show how soon we could arrive if we got a proper wriggle on. Baldy Laptop Man seems to have been a little previous having switched said lappy off and has now sat down again, basking in the reflected glory of my still tapping fingers. No, my friend, I am still working, you are not. Now we are here…..

Leave a Reply