Day Seven – Argentina, Korea, Greece, Nigeria, France, Mexico

A wonderfully entertaining day brought goals galore on the footie front. At the same time, French and Argentinean wines flowed, though some of the national menus were proving quite challenging as we settled into Round Two of the group stages.

Aperitifs of Nachos and chilli dip went surprisingly well with Cotes de Provence Rose.

Barbecued lamb steaks, marinaded in red wine served with feta cheese and chilli bean salad, accompanied by Argentinean Malbec from Goyenechea were followed by Korean Pears and Nigerian Papaya fruit salad.

Day Six – Honduras, Chile, Spain, Switzerland, South Africa, Uruguay

Nothing could have prepared us for the results on Day Six of South Africa 2010, but at least we were ready with the food!

Spain and Switzerland provided the food, in the styles of: Roasted Peppers in Olive Oil and Patatas Bravas served with anchovies and Manchego cheese; Bratwurst mit Rosti, all washed down with Vina Tarapaca Reserva Chardonnay 2008 from Chile and the remarkable Pizzorno Don Prospero Sauvignon 2008 from Uruguay. This small country of less than 3.4m people has not only produced a great footballing side, led by none other than my old United mate Diego Forlan, it has also become of the rising stars of the wine world. Look out for some of these amazing wines.

Pudding was provided by Coconut Bread from Honduras with Moscatel de Valencia on ice.

Day Five – Brazil, PR Korea, Ivory Coast, Portugal, New Zealand, Slovakia

To celebrate the arrival of one of the tournament favourites, Brazil, we had to go the extra mile.

An aperitif took the form of Cloudy Bay Pelorus 2001, served with slivers of Saeng Sun Jim, (Korean Braised Sea Bass); Brazilian Bistecca de Porco Frita, (pan fried on the barbecue pork steak), served with a wicked Portuguese Piri-Piri sauce from the ‘old country’; Slovakian Bublanina, (bubble cake), and more lovely fresh fruit, this time from the Ivory Coast.

Day Four – Netherlands, Denmark, Japan, Cameroon, Italy and Paraguay

So, into the start of the second week at South Africa 2010 and further challenges abounded. We went with delicious seafood sushi accompanied by Pinot Grigio Santa Margherita 2008; Smoked Danish Bacon Steaks in rich BBQ sauce, baked potatoes with matured Leerdammer cheese, mango in balsamic vinegar with Castel del Monte 2006 and fresh fruit dusted with Fairtrade Chocolate.

The evening brought us Caldo de Zapallo Tierno, a rather tasty courgette and cheese soup from Paraguay.

Day Three – Algeria, Slovenia, Serbia, Ghana, Germany and Australia

Day Three certainly presented something of a challenge, but I believe we were up to it.

The day began with Bratwurst, served with Katoffelsalat, Brotchen and Senf, (sausages, potato salad, rolls and German mustard), served with a rather nice Slovenian Sauvignon/Laski Riesling blend. Swiftly followed by Makroud el Louse – delicious almond biscuits from Algeria, prepared by my wife’s own fair hand. The evening’s fayre gave us barbecued king prawns, minute steaks and Angove Estate Trebbiano followed by Charles Melton Rose of Virginia 2009. Exotic mango fruit salad completed the Ghanaian offering.

A Poem – They’ve gone and bought me slippers

They’ve gone and bought me slippers

What will they think of next?

I don’t need flamin’ slippers

I know how to text!

Then I’ll get a cardi

Chequered patterned wool

Choose a Stannah Stair Lift

That’ll help me pull!

It’s funny how the youngsters

Pigeonhole the old

Put them in to boxes

The watch them growing mould

But when does it start to happen

What women call ‘The Change’?

Transition to the Third Age

Onset of the mange?

One day you’re in the wine bar

Open necked shirt and chat

Ordering Veuve Clicquot

Giving it all that

Then suddenly it’s over

Happens in a flash

Blink, you just might miss it

The grey hairs in your ‘tache

It’s like they get together

Decide it’s time for you

To drop out of the A-team

And join the Zimmer crew

They’ve even chosen vehicles

A kind of ‘senior car’

MPVs and Volvos

And ugly Multipla

We’ve got sticks and senior moments

They like to laugh at those

Big pants for the women

And run-free pantyhose

Sanatogen for vim and vigour

Saga for spare time

Fat Fighters and Line Dancing

When you’re past your prime

‘Careful when you cross the road’

Watch out! Take good care!

Suddenly these phrases

Hit you from nowhere

Then it’s Friends Reunited

Catch up with 4B

Find out what they’re up to

No more Glastonbury…

Kaleidoscope catalogue frenzy

That looks rather good

Remote-control coffee holder

Smoke alarm cooker hood

Do you try to keep up?

With Twitter, Bluetooth and Wii

There’s YouTube, iPads, Facebook

Let’s have a cup of tea

You don’t ever want to lose it

Your grip on reality

But how do you relate to

Pete Bloody Doherty?

Soon it’s Stiffs Reunited

Now there’s a novel thought

To terrify the oldsters

From drinking all the port

No more French Connection

No more sexy gear

Society demands you move on

Country Casuals for you, dear

Women cause the problem

Say ‘Mutton dressed as Lamb’

That skirt it doesn’t suit her

Doesn’t she give a damn?

To those who point the finger

Saying ‘Age with dignity’,

I say, ‘Don’t be so judgemental

One day it tolls for thee

So to those who just might listen

To this my plaintive plea

Just stay off mail order

Grow old disgracefully

Day Two – Greece, Korea, Argentina, Nigeria, ENGLAND, U.S.A.

The great day was upon us. But what to do on the food front? This is what we had, spread over lunch and dinner: Taramasalata, Houmus, Tzatziki with warm Pitta Bread; Korean Gui-Galbi, (wonderful pork ribs); the national dish of England – curry in the form of Chicken Biryani, Chicken Bhuna, Pilau Rice, Onion Bhajis and Nan Bread followed by large helpings of good old Mom’s Apple Pie.

Wines were: Malbec from Rofolfo Sadler (Argentina) and Viognier from the same producer. Beer was by Boddingtons of Manchester.

Day One – South Africa, Mexico , Uruguay, France

The first day of South Africa’s World Cup presented a dilemma – should I go with one nation’s cuisine, or have a stab at the lot? Pontification resulted in the latter and this is what we had; Tortillas with Nacho Cheese and Guacamole, Boerewors sausages marinated in mango sauce, pork medallions with chilli, (barbecued), salad with orange, mango, walnuts and leaves, tomato provencale, baked potatoes.

Profiteroles with cream followed and the wines were: Uruguayan Sauvignon and South African Pinotage.

Tomorrow’s Korean team looks like a challenge!

Time and Tide

Why is it that the more frequently events occur in our lives, the less time we have to write about them? I realise that the last few weeks have been tumultuous, yet I sit here on the sofa contemplating and not penning.

I have never broken a bone before, let alone two. Oh, a dislocation and all. I never really did half measures so don’t really intend to start now. Hospital was a valued experience and I would like to take a moment to thank all the staff at Chelmsford’s Broomfield Hospital from the bottom of my heart, though they were probably more familiar with the heart of my bottom after a week on my back. Two operations later and I seem to be on the mend. Sadly I cannot share my X-rays with you all, but suffice to say that I am now destined to set off the blessed airport security alarms for the rest of my life. I consider myself well and truly plated.

The bar on the corner progresses slowly. What if it’s OK and not the thin end of the wedge we perceive it to be? Soon we will know our fate. I’ve always fancied having a cafe nearby. Maybe I will become the man who can’t be moved. It is, after all, at the corner of the street.

V Festival was fabulous, save for the nutter. Enjoy your freedom, my friend, for it will not last. We have perfect photographs of you. I hope you like porridge.

A Uniform Approach

Not wishing to add just another voice of disgust to the already cacophonous din echoing around the land, I thought I would try to inject a note of calm into the expenses row.Are we that shallow and naive to think that anything being said or done is going to make the slightest difference in the longer term? Normality will resume just as soon as there is another story to excite the journalists’ feeding frenzy. No-one will be prosecuted. No-one is to blame. It’s all someone else’s mistake. Granted, they’re going to need a larger carpet to sweep it all under, but I feel confident that somewhere, a large group of pre-school children are sewing away like mad to meet the demand. How sad. I was not permitted the defence put forward by MPs. Something about ignorance of the law. Yes, that was it. No defence.It would appear that fiddling one’s expenses is a national pastime and certainly not the prerogative of the elected. Be careful throwing those stones.